North Korean defector: I left behind 17 years of memories, but the pain remains

Young and old alike descended on Auckland’s Victory Convention Centre on Wednesday night to hear the true story of a North Korean defector.

Opening the conference was the Consul General of the Consulate of the Republic of Korea in Auckland, Chang Soon Cha, who revealed that her father had died in North Korea, his "dream of reuniting with his family again never coming to fruition".

"I feel great empathy for those who lost their families due to the division of the peninsula," said Ms Cha.

The New Zealand chapter of the National Unification Advisory Council, which hosted the event, hopes to raise awareness of the unification efforts of a divided Korea; the "most isolated" country in the world.

Then Hyeon-seo Lee appeared, a slight but striking vision in red.

Ms Lee recalled a moment in her childhood of her home being engulfed in flames as her father immediately ran inside, not checking to see if his children were safe but "to save our most important possessions – portraits of our two dictators".

"If he failed, he would be punished. No one, including myself, thought this was strange," she explained.

"Nor was it strange to see the officials with white gloves coming to every North Korean household to check the dust on the pictures of the dictators."

However, as Ms Lee later learned, it was only the surface of the "horrifying truth of the regime".

"One of the most important things that North Korean people have to learn is that we can't trust anyone because we had to criticise everyone when we were growing up: classmates, neighbours, friends.

"There's no real friends. We're all spying on each other. We believed it was the only way to be loyal to our dear leader."

Anyone who criticised the government would disappear along with their families in the middle of the night to work in labour camps.

"North Koreans are taught to hate these so-called traitors, and I believed that the people in prison camps and [those who were] publicly executed deserved to be punished," said Ms Lee.

Living next to the Chinese border, Ms Lee's television could, at times, pick up Chinese signals and it was these moments transfixed to the television screen, "surrounded by darkness, poverty and starvation every night," that she "gradually realised that [she] had been lied to [her] whole life." "At this revelation," she said, "I was determined to leave North Korea and find out the truth about the outside world."

Ms Lee’s life and eventual escape from North Korea was recently published in a memoir, The Girl with Seven Names: A North Korean Defector’s Story.

Later in the evening, Ms Lee described the fear, loneliness and endless guilt of her years spent across the border in China, where she had to “live in the shadows” with the constant fear of being caught and returned to North Korea by Chinese government officials.

“I left behind 17 years of my memories, but the pain stays with me wherever I go,” said Ms Lee, her voice wavering.

"It's especially hard during the holidays, or when I see a happy family enjoy a nice meal because I always have an empty place at the table."

By the time she had reunited with her family in China, 14 years had already passed.

“They had to leave everything behind, especially my mother, who had to leave behind seven close brothers and sisters. I felt so guilty for tearing them apart, but I was also so depressed without them. This was a choice many North Koreans must make – family or freedom? Freedom isn't free."

In spite of the danger she faces from publishing her memoir, Hyeon-seo Lee remains hopeful that “one day, the horrible tyranny that afflicts my country will end".